Poppycock and Sunshine

The adventures of a crazy girl trying to live a quiet, slower Provincial lifestyle in an hectic, fast paced, American society.

Stepford Wives R’ Us November 2, 2008

Place: Living room sofa, sandwiched between two warm pooches. 

Mood: Recovering from quite possibly the longest week of my life this year.

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I came home last night from working my third double this week. The second of three doubles which was spent working the whole way through. That’s 10-11 hours on my feet going non-stop. Needless to say, I’m tired. I’m promptly came home and, instead of sitting down and blubbering like a child like I did after my 2nd double this week, I came home and had a raging MIGRAINE all night long, laying in my bed moaning with an ice pack on my head and a worried boyfriend at my side. It was so bad I finally had to take my migraine medicine, which I used to LIVE on. Migraines are HORRID, by the way. I can’t believe I used to live with them on a weekly basis. Plech. How did I ever function? How did I manage to rid myself of the weekly migraine, you ask? Well, I’ll tell ya. I listened to the ever so smart Daniel Jandt, who FINALLY convinced me to go off caffeine. That and I got fired from Starbucks. Life minus caffeine and constant stress equals no more migraines. Yay me!! However working 3 doubles in one week now apparently brings them back. No more of that, I say! I’m better now, though, and currently considering actually getting up, putting clothes on, and taking said warm pooches to the dog park. It is, after all, a pretty day which should not be wasted. Not to mention I think I have 3 days of eggs to collect and chickens to feed. Hopefully they won’t peck my eyes out because I’ve neglected them all week. 

 

*THE FIRING OF THE KITCHEN HELP*

I love my sweet man, yes I do. However, I learned a very important lesson this week. I made this lovely soup on one of the days, which one escapes me at the moment since they all are running together in one confusing mess. I only had a limited time to make it before getting dressed and rushing out to work. It was going to be a Chicken Curry Soup with Rice. Doesn’t that just sound delightful?? Indeed. Since I had run out of time to complete the last stage, I asked my dear sweet man if he would kindly add 1/2 cup rice to the soup since I didn’t have enough time. What did he do?? He went and added more than ONE WHOLE CUP of rice!!! The result?

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Now does that look like SOUP to you?!??! No, it doesn’t to me either. That’s because now, instead of being a lovely soup, it was a, as Daniel so LOVINGLY called it, gruel. Goolash of sorts. The lesson learned? Never ask your rice-loving-fanatic-asian-wannabe boyfriend to add RICE to anything! Who knows what you’ll end up with. The funny thing about the whole thing? He LOOOOOOOOVED it!! Ate the whole damn pot in a matter of days. And let me tell you, it was a rather LARGE pot.

 

*HOW I SPENT MY HALLOWEEN*

At work. That’s how. (I shall now CONSIDER forgiving you, Rhonda-Roo, for NOT coming and visiting me when you had all that time on your hands on friday, instead opting for staying home and pouting. WHATever.) Of course several of us dressed up for the occasion. Now mind you, Halloween isn’t my fav of the holidays. Although, being raised in the religion that I was, growing up I never celebrated ANY of the holidays. But anyways. I always have loved any excuse to get dressed up as anyone other than myself. Or as anyone from another era other than THIS one. So what was I this fine friday night? See for yourself.

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In case you can’t figure it out or don’t know your eras, I was a 50s-60s housewife, thank you very much. Complete with apron and pearls. You can’t see it in the picture, but the best part about that apron is the teeny tiny Amish people in the background! It give me the giggles whenever I wear it. Thank-you, Miss Nola, for convincing me I simply MUST purchase it for the fine price of $1.50 at our local Goodwill. It really has given me such a delight. Anywho, I digress. So there I am at work. The customers loved it, giggling at the very sight of me. One of them most aptly and rather loudly exclaimed upon seeing me, “Oh my gosh! You’re a Stepford Wife!! Brilliant!” Hmmmmm, not QUITE what I had in mind, but okay. I can see that. Now upon seeing me, the smart-ass-that-he-is dishwasher said “where’s your remote control?” To which I indignantly replied “Ummm, hello, what are you implying???? *VERY LONG PAUSE* We don’t HAVE remote controls! I have to get up like any other good housewife and PUSH THE BUTTON thank you very much.”

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I shall now digress from the whole “what everyone wore for halloween” montage for some fine information every Stepford housewife should know, brought to you by “Housekeeping Monthly” year 1950. (Yes, this is an actual quote from the magazine itself.)

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Have Dinner Ready
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare Yourself
Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear Away the Clutter
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and then run a duster over the tables. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the Children
Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimise the noise
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time, let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal
Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don’t greet him with problems and complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have been through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low and soothing and pleasant voice. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.

Remember
He is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. A good wife always knows her place.

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*cough* My, how times have changed. (Thank the lord and pass the cupcakes.) Anyways, we now return to our previous program. Halloween. More pictures from the night. Now this would be me, the Stepford Wife, with my favorite person at work, Miss Nika, who in this picture is your straight-from-the-eastern-block (she’s from the ukraine originally) nerd.

Complete with glasses taped in the middle. Very clever, Nika, very clever indeed.

 

Unfortunately non of our customers came dressed up, much to my disappointment. (You could have been the exception, Rhonda, but nooooo.)

 

Now there were witches aplenty that night. Here we have my neighborhood witch, proudly displaying a picture of her favorite presidential canidate.

 

The costume that really took the cake that evening? 

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This usually very lovely little girl (daughter of a gal I work with) was supposed to be a Zombie Prom Queen that night. I would have to say, I have NEVER been this creeped out by a costume before. I mean, it was SO real looking. Well done, Zombie Prom Queen’s Dad who did all the makeup work! She even had blood on her shoes. *shiver* Gah, it was creepy. 

Okay, so could this post BE any longer? I suppose now would be a good time to bid you adieu. Give those little peepers of yours a bit of a rest until next time. It’s still a lovely day outside and I think a walk in the dog park is just the ticket. TTFN.

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4 Responses to “Stepford Wives R’ Us”

  1. Cindy Says:

    Love that dress you wore…so vintage. I’ve read that good housewife thing…..the “listen to him” section makes me so mad. I’m a pretty traditional gal but really! Thank God in heaven things have changed.

    Funny about Dan and the rice. I can’t even remember all the times I screwed up a recipe in my younger years….usually trying to be clever or too frugal. Luckily most things were edible. 🙂

  2. Jennifer Says:

    that rice dish looks amazing. Trust Dan to like it. 🙂
    your costume was brilliant. love it.
    oh, and I’m glad I live in the 21st century. And dont ever let Jon get a hold of that list. He just might make it law around here. Wink wink, ha ha.

  3. Rhonda Says:

    Ok, next time I am pouty and Cindyless I will text you for Martini back-up plans! Great costume!!!! I LOVE it!

  4. Baylee Says:

    so glad i found your blog today!! my mom is into this now i can keep up on both of you! maybe i should reenter this world…its been a while for sure. miss you lots! love u mean it!


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